If you struggle with being yourself because of the people around you, or if you’re like me and are terrified to say no, then this post is for you. People pleasing is a problem and frankly it’s all too common. If you read last weeks post then you have (hopefully) started identifying symptoms of people pleasing that you may have. For those that didn’t, check out how you can here.
Now, let me be clear about this, I am not talking about loving people. As Christians we are called to love one another, however don’t use “I just love people” as an excuse to continue living to please people for the wrong reasons. Jesus said love people, he didn’t say conform to others. Check out this video and see how Monica, from Friends, let others get the best of her.
Maybe you’re like Monica in this episode of Friends and you just want to get to know people, maybe you just want to be liked. The reality is people pleasing is usually linked to insecurity in some way or another. If you are consumed with what others think of you, then you instantly believe that they are better than you, that their opinions matter more than yours, and even worse, matter more than Gods.
This is a really good ploy that Satan uses against us, and why not?! It works incredibly well. From advertisements on TV, to the books we read, even from our own families, we are constantly told that we are not good enough, that we don’t measure up to the status quo our society has set. When we buy into these lies, we are lowering ourselves and instead, lifting up the world around us. Doing whatever we can to reach that status.
I think another big reason we buy into people pleasing is because we forget who we are in Jesus. Now stick with me on this, don’t go rolling your eyes and laughing at my “Christian-ese, jesus juke” answer. I’m serious here. When we accept Jesus as our personal Lord and Savior, we literally become NEW! We no longer answer to all the advertisements on TV, or the haters we come in contact with on a daily basis. We have a righteous judge far superior, and far more wonderful.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. (2 Corinthians 5:17-18)
Monica was exhausting herself trying to please her neighbors who didn’t even know her name. In fact they didn’t even care that she was slaving away for them, they just wanted their candy. Isn’t people pleasing a lot like that? When people are judging you, talking behind your back, etc. Do they really know you? Are they looking for your best interest like God has all along? Are we forgetting who really loves us? Like Chandler stuck up for Monica, God will always stick up for us. He is there and He is trying to remind us that we are people He loves. People who He sees the best and most potential in. People He is shaping and molding to be who He has always intended us to be. We need to remember that if we are insecure or forgetting who we are in Jesus, there is no hope to grow, move forward, or experience God’s best for us.
Next week when we wrap up our talk about people pleasing we will figure out how to go from identifying the root causes, to finally overcoming this issue of people pleasing that is all too real for many of us. But until then, let me know some ways you have overcome your struggle with people pleasing.
- Are You a People Pleaser? Part 1 (scottanthonyhunt.wordpress.com)